Feminine side not included

Some time ago I was talking with a woman at work. I do not remember what we were discussing other than something I had said provoked the following response, “Awwww, Philo. You’re getting in touch with your feminine side.”

This idea ran quickly through my mind in much the same way a bug’s ass goes through its mind when hitting a windshield, “My feminine side?” I wondered to myself. It seemed odd, that I, or any male for that matter, would have a feminine side. Immediately I concluded, without any doubt or question, that I am not in possession of a feminine side. Nope. Not at all. From that moment forward I began to stand up for men everywhere that we can experience and express emotions without an unexplainable spike in estrogen, sensitive nipples, and the mystical appearance of lady bits.

How belittling is it for us men to succumb to this feminization just because the maturity of our frontal lobes is catching up to that of the fairer sex? Men, just because we get emotional about our children, war, or the beauty and complexity of life, it does not mean that we have a feminine side. Just because we are creative and constructive, and are able to do this in the same breath as destroying our creation, does not mean there is a battle of the sexes within ourselves. I cannot emphasize this enough!

Society has emasculated and emotionally castrated men with this presumption, a feminine side,  as the source of our emotional sensitivities. Many a fine men have I known who cry. Many fine examples of masculinity have let down their guard to display the importance of their feelings concerning a matter. From my experience I would say this is due to the birth of children, loss of parents, and a broader scope of life experience that we take in to compartmentalize, and  digest. Really, there is a variety and complexity of our short and miserable lives that gets hard to contain sometimes. It is ridiculous and presumptuous to try to turn man into an androgynous humanoid, bereft of the masculinity into which he is made at the genetic level!

Just to prove how ridiculous this is I’ll flip the coin. Do we claim that an assertive woman is in touch with her masculine side? With the exception of that gal with a mullet you see at Home Depot, I would say that a woman who has learned to assert herself and fight for having her way in a matter is simply tired of being pushed around by a male-dominated society.

Moreover, there is a certainty equal to that of taxes and death (the woman at Home Depot not withstanding) that if you were to propose to a woman the idea of her and her ilk in possession of a masculine side, you would receive a scorning swift and strong, sure to turn you into a social leper, never to receive the love of a woman again. Just in case I’m not clear, fellas, I do not recommend that you do this.

Men, we are entitled to our emotions as much as a woman is entitled to being tough. If you’re saying you’re in touch with your feminine side, for the love of all that is right and true in the world, please stop. We do not need, neither should we be expected, to feminize ourselves in order to justify our sensitive and softer side. It is as natural and human as the chest-pounding, crotch scratching behavior that we normally display—and no less manly.

Women, I respectfully request that you kindly leave us alone and let our masculinity remain unscathed. Let us have our 5 o’clock shadow, torn jeans, and favorite tear-jerker movies without trying to turn us into your BFF that you drag with you to see Sex in the City, or God forbid, Twilight. And while I’m on the point, if you happen to see a man crying, just let him be. Touch will cause him to quickly and surely rebuild that well-crafted wall that effectively compartmentalized the very emotion that worked so hard to get out, thereby ruining the rare opportunity for him to have a good cry.

Together we must resist the cultural relativism that is pervading our society striving to neuter men into shopping mall mannequins. Sure, they may have perfectly sculpted abs, biceps, and perky pectoral muscles… but they have no balls.

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