Lumosity is bullshit

Lumosity. That annoying commercial that features 20-somethings bragging about how good their brains feel because they’re playing a fucked up game of frogger.

This “neuroplasticity” is not real. There is no “plasticyness” to your brain. It’s wet and soft like a gross sponge. A three-pound gross sponge. Neurons “talk” to each other and give you the illusion of control, independence, and immortality. These are characteristics which I think are perfectly suited to a life form that will die.

The people who created Lumosity do not understand what it is like to be a parent. They do not understand what it is like to hold down a job, try to figure out a way to pay for college and braces while trying to encourage their children to go to college so that they are in a slightly better position than you when they are your age.

The people who created Lumosity are assholes that don’t understand the value of just shutting-the-fuck-down for a weekend. Hell, for five minutes! Go-Go-Go-Go! Everything is about them going! Jesus, man. Chill out for a minute and just rest. Enjoy the scenery. Watch a movie that makes you cry. Watch a child enjoy the ignorance of bliss of this fast, rushing life for Christ’s sake.

Look, I’m excited about your excitement. Really! I used to have it once. Then reality set in and I realized, just like my parents told me, it’s not all about me. I’m a piece of the puzzle. Assuming there’s a puzzle, of course.

All you single, childless people that are so busy doing and hoping everything… keep those things in mind, but be humble and accept that your fate is the dust. Don’t even assume about the afterlife. Just look at yesterday and today. Know that these are the only things you have. Tomorrow is just a hope. A bold assumption.

Relax a little.

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